Venting

Okay so I am incredibly frustrated right now at TMOBILE. When John left we shut down 2 of our 3 phone lines and kept mine on. I am about 3/4 into my contract I called and switched my plan to the unlimited 79 plan which will save us tons of money. I got online to look at upgrading my phone cause I hate this one. I push upgrade phone and this stupid message came across stating the primary account holder could upgrade it. So I was already upset and I call in and tell him my husband is currently deployed and we had shut down two of the lines and since they are shut the other two down I could not get online in those accounts. I asked if there was any way I could switch the primary account to my phone line since its the only one on. He says yeah if you husband calls in and says its okay. My name has been on the account since 04 when we opened the account. I pay the bills and I am the one that set the account up that way in the first place. He says I can upgrade it on the phone or you can go into a store and do it. The point is i cant do nothing online and I want to be able to. I said I barely talk to him myself do you really think he is going to be able to call you and set on hold just to change this. I have a power of attorney for these reasons he says well a power of attorney wont help seriously I have been with you guys long enough to know I have used it before. Since he did not want to listen to what I had to say I ask for a manager get put back on hold seriously. The same guy comes back on and says my manager agrees with me and nothing we can do unless he calls in. I get furious this is when I feel my face get red. I said seriously I did not asked to be relayed messages I wanted to talk to a manager I have that right and I choose to speak to them and he kept going on and on and on. So finally he transfers me over. I tell the manager what was happening he says do we have the power of attorney on file I say no he says fax it in and we can get that changed for you so tomorrow I'm taking it into a tmobile store tomorrow to make the changes to my online account. I'm not stupid I know what I can and can not do I have been with this company for to long. ERRRRRRRRRR

A week of workout

My workout week is Monday through Saturday Sunday is my day off. I go to the Y two hours a day. This is what my week of workout consisted of 102 three position calf raises, 4 planks, 36 leg presses, 1/2 track lunges, 30 frog jumps, 36 ab roll outs, 36 bosu ab ups, 196 sit ups on ball, 66 mountain climbers, 75 each leg hydrants, 2 wall sits, 150 push ups, 5 supermans, 36 pull downs, 36 shoulders, 36 freemotion ball crunch, 36 skull crushes, 36 behind head pull ups, 15 pull ups, 36 bicep curls, 14 dips. I also did 3 miles on the bike, jogged the track 14 times, walked 10 miles, did 6 miles on the elliptical. Next week we are going to be turning up the heat and adding more going to try a few classes out. I love having a work out buddy it helps tons. If you asked me last month if I liked working out i would tell you no way but if you ask me now my answer would be I love it. If your starting to workout I would say write everything down helps to go back when you feel like you havent done anything and actually be able to say I did do something. Tomorrow is suppose to be my day off but I will proably do some stuff on the wii fit and get on the treadmill for a bit. The y is closed on Monday so we are going to workout at the park so the kids can play. Get up and get on the move love it.

So.......

So we are on a holiday weekend without the hubby being here. Yesterday while working out at the Y I seen a bunch of military people didn't hit me til the end of my workout if my hubby was here he would have had a four day weekend. I'm not sad about it just kinda hit me. I don't think it will be to bad this weekend not really doing much other than working out and cleaning. I'm fixing to get my hubby's first care package together it will be his fathers day gift he said not to send a bunch since he will be moving alot I think I have came up with a cute idea really cant say what til he gets it since he reads my blog. This past week has been a pretty good week all in all had a few moments with the kids. I have came to realize this deployment is so much different than last the last one I heard from him so much more than I do this one. We are on day five without getting to talk to him. The days I get to talk to him are so much better but I am not complaining I am grateful I get to talk to him at all. So much still up in the air about r and r I'm so ready for his r and r but I know its still awhile off. I am truly thankful for the workouts and my workout buddy because I don't think I would be doing as well without it. Last night was the kids first night of summer so we stayed up watched Rio and the fireworks. More fireworks tonight the kids are really excited. Next week should be a pretty exciting week got some stuff planned with the kids I'm kinda going with the flow trying to not make to many plans so I don't get to overwhelmed.

summer's comming

So tomorrow is the kids last day of school then they will be out til August 2. I'm trying to plan lots of stuff for them to do. We will be going to the dollar theater alot cause Kung Fu Panda 2, Cars 2, Happy Feet 2, and Transformers 3 is coming out. I'm pretty sure more will come out also but I will go with the flow on that one. The movie theater up the street has a water area for the kids to play in so why not. I'm also trying to plan out some crafty things for the kids to do I have a few ideas not many. I want to get out and explore as much of Colorado with the kids. I want them to keep busy keep active I always want my kids to be active I think its very important. Park days I'm pretty sure we will have lots of those and we have plenty of parks here so we shouldn't get tired of one park. Water play will probably be daily at our house as soon as it gets warm enough to do so. The Y has an indoor pool I'm kinda nervous about taking 3 by myself but the older two are fishes in the water so we should be okay. I'm excited and hope that my bestie gets to come at the end of July cause I would totally be stoked. The kids don't have a long summer just 2 months so I'm pretty sure time will fly. I know I will find tons more for them to do. I cant believe next year I will have a first grader and second grader boy howdy how they grow up fast. What a fantastic summer we are going to have cause we are going to make it fantastic.

Testing

So we are officially over the second week and starting the third week. The past couple days my kids are seriously testing me I guess they want to see how far they can push this mama since daddy is gone. They have been grounded pretty much the whole time he has been gone they are suppose to get ungrounded this weekend. The toy room is a wreck that is one chore I give up on doing it seems if I do it then it just gets worse the next time. I told them they have til Saturday to get it clean if its not clean by then I'm taking trash bags up their and its going in the trash. I don't think they believe me but I'm going to do it then maybe they will believe me. Dax has back talked me the past couple days and this mama is not putting up with it. Trisha's sassy little self boy howdy its not a good thing. Peyton's fits are getting ridiculous. I feel like i want to pull my hair out but I have to remember breathe in breathe out. Last deployment was nice cause my mother in law would take them every so often so I could have some me time sometimes I wished I lived closer cause some me time would be wonderful right now. I'm hoping to keep them so busy this summer that they will want to pass out at night so I can at least have a couple hours to myself. I hope tomorrow they wake up and I can at least have 2 out of the 3 not wanting to test me I know 3 out of 3 would not happen. I hope the rest of the evening goes better than it has.

Graduation

So my one and only girl Trisha Ann graduated from kindergarten today or as they call it advancement to first grade. She was excited but does not want to go to school all day next year she is to funny. The program was really cute they sang a song called my dad is in the army i have to say i cried a little sad that John had to miss out on seeing it. I don't have a video camera so i could not record it but they sale DVDs and I bought one for him to send off as soon as I have an address.

After they did the program they went into the advancement and called each child to get their diploma. She was super excited to get hers and after they got their diplomas they got to come sit with their family Peyton was so excited he yelled real loud ran up to her and gave her big hug it was super cute.

After they all got their diplomas we had to go back to her class and get her book bag and her jacket. We waited around so we could take pictures with her diploma. Her teacher came in and we took a picture with her teacher also. I know she is sad that her dad was not there but he did get to call her this morning before school so that helps some.

Dax was sad he did not get to go. He was super lovey dovey to her and was proud of her.

I am super proud of her she did so well this year. Her teacher has told me she was one of the brightest little girls in her class. I think she will soar through school I love you very much Trisha Ann Myers Sharp.

Missing Daddy

So Peyton woke today in a terrible mood I know he is missing his daddy tons. He was such a turd all day long doesnt help that John called yesterday but Peyton wouldn't get on the phone. So it proably been a week and half since he has talked to his daddy. Its so hard when they are so young to fully understand where daddy is and why he hasnt came home yet. All Dax talks about when daddy comes home this when daddy comes home that at least he some what understand how long he will be gone for. Trisha is so emotional about daddy not being here. I can tell its full swing of missing daddy for all of them. They are starting to sleep with me more and more especially Dax them waking up in the middle of the night happens every night now. Maybe its wrong of me to say I get angry I have to do this on my own sometime I am angry my kids have to go through this. Then about 30 minutes later I am over it. I have my moments of angry cause I miss him tons I miss hearing from him. Last deployment I heard from him so much more than we do now and he had internet so we got to video chat pretty often. With him moving around so much I just dont think its worth him getting internet til he is one place for awhile. I know he is working tons and I know he misses us. I just know we all miss him so much and cant wait til he is back home.

weekend

So here we are at the end of the second weekend of John being gone. We were busy for the most part of it. Saturday we woke up and headed off to the Y for a killer workout on my arms and abs I know the kids enjoy going to play with other kids which is nice. Did some spring cleaning even though I have tons more to do but a mother's work is never done. Today we were invited over to Christine's for lunch the kids enjoyed playing with Brady and I enjoyed conversation with Christine always nice to have someone to talk to that knows what your going through. We weighed in and measured ourselves and took our before pictures. We will go back in two weeks to reweigh and remeasure. The kids and I came home I have been working on laundry. The kids are suppose to be grounded but they have listened pretty well this weekend and did what I asked them to so since it was nice outside I let them enjoy a couple hours outside. Trisha has really figured out how to ride her bike with her training wheels. I know they always sleep better when they play hard. I honestly have to say time is going by pretty fast seems like forever away still but I know i will look back and say where did the time go. I finally got to talk to John today the first time in a week I did get to chat with him through IM a couple times but I love hearing his voice makes my day. It indeed made my day where I had a smile on my face pretty much all day. He has requested for r and r in November so I hope he gets it. This is the kids last week of school I know they are ready for summer time and they only have two whole months out and time will fly. I can't believe how big they are getting Dax is completing the first grade and Trisha Kindergarten how it makes me feel old. Truly I know I'm not that old just makes me feel old.

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Intense Week.

So this week was the start of my diet and exercising and I have to say what a week. Going without soda for a week has been intense I'm craving one like no other but know I cant have it. My diet is going really well and very proud of myself did have a donut but shhhh don't tell no one lol. I have been having some amazing workouts with Christine it is always helpful to have a workout buddy more motivation. To say I'm soar might just be an understatement. No pain no gain is my motto right now. So if we reach our goals which mine is 55 pounds we are going sky diving pretty excited more determined than ever to get to my goal. I have lost 7 pounds within this first week which pumps me up. I have had more energy after working out then I have had in a long time. I am getting very addicted to working out. Plus working out gives me two hours of adult time no kids bothering me kinda keeps me sane through this deployment. Sunday is our off time to recuperate and trust me i need it. I am so excited to become the new me.

First Week

Okay we have gotten through this first week of deployment. I have had my emotional moments but I have to say I am doing pretty darn good. I am on my second day not hearing from John and I have to say I have been to busy to even notice. I love the busy days just love them they keep my mind else where than the deployment. I have to be honest and say this week has flown by. From being sick to going and hanging out with some of the 615th wives and working out with Christine this has been an overall been a good week. I had my down times but I don't want to be a Debbie downer the whole time. Another plus note this week I have lost 5 pounds totally proud of myself I am setting to make my goals. The kids are missing their dad and I hope they get the opportunity to talk to him this weekend especially Dax he hasn't talked to him at all. Lets hope the rest of the 51 weeks go by as fast as this one did.

Rollercoaster of a Day

I feel like I have been on a roller coaster today and didn't know if i wanted to get off or stay on. I woke up to email from my husband telling me the changes ahead which I know it will be fine. The deployment itself is a roller coaster. I know it hard not to stress and worry when you get emails telling you change ahead. Steal dealing with issues that happened over the weekend don't have a clue where they are headed and I am scared to death i feel like i am a good mom. I got up and started in on my diet and my walking so proud to start out the day that way. Then as I'm on the plato of the roller coaster things start going south. Someone I hold very dear to my heart we had a disagreement. Some things maybe i shouldn't have said but I was upset. I was an emotional wreck after getting off the phone I think i had a good cry for about 2 hours and i don't mean i cried i literally had huge alligator tears i finally broke with everything the morning was handing me i couldn't take it any more. I was hoping my hubby would call to some what brighten my day but didn't happen. The afternoon started my uphill climb of the roller coaster I had to go get some stuff done so that I could go over and meet some ladies from the 615th. Got the kids from school finished getting ready I was pretty much running behind all day long. I got to hang out with some of the ladies from the 615th I have to say I truly enjoyed myself first time in the past week. I am truly grateful i got the invite. I know they probably are think I'm never inviting that weird lady tomorrow. Now I'm on my down hill to end this roller coaster I am exhausted and extremely sad. I am sad the thing went the way they did today. I am to tired to workout tonight. I am missing my hubby like crazy but i have to say I am officially one week down. I get to see these 3 wonderful kids every day and they are bound and determined to put a smile on my face everyday this is what i live for.

No doormat

I am not any ones doormat. Some people think the only time they need to talk to me is when they need something from me. I am the type of person that says yes yes yes but hardly ever no. I am a loving and caring person. If the only time you want to talk to me is ask me for something then don't even bother anymore I am done. I am all with helping people but there is a point it is just taking advantage. I do have a life and right at the moment there is more than 1 person even knows or could handle by themselves but I'm doing it cause I have no other choice. If my schedule cant fit into your schedule maybe you might want to change your schedule around since your the one that wants something from me. I cant do it any more I am truly run down and had an emotional breakdown today. The point of this post is if you cant call to see how I'm doing from time to time or shoot me a message then just don't call me at all. I am me and am going to do me now.

My Big Goal For The Year

I have to say right now I am totally disappointed in myself. I am the heaviest I have ever been even 9 months pregnant not by much but at least while I was pregnant I had an excuse right well not really. I got on the scale today and about cried. I don't think I am brave enough to release how much I truly weigh. I always said to myself I would not allow myself to ever get to 200 pounds I am not there yet and do not want to be there. I want to become a better me. One I can look at myself and say look at me. One that my kids see me exercising and be proud and want to stay active in their life. One that when my husband comes home he says that's my hot wife lol. I know I am a gubber sometimes. So here it goes I drank the last Dr. Pepper in my house today there is not going to be any in my home so if you come over and expect it to be here wont be. Its to big of a temptation of mine I cant say I am only going to have one a week or I will be sucked under again and drinking one a day. Tomorrow starts my better eating habits I did buy my kids some goodies but I have to stay out of them no matter what. I bought some better options for me to have a snack a day. My total weight loss goal for this year is 55 pounds if I make it to 50 I would be proud but want to make it a total weight loss of 55 no more. I have already walking half jogging on the treadmill I don't get very far on the jogging side of things. My exercise goal is I want to be able to do 5 miles all together on the treadmill I know I will not be able to do it all together right now so I will split it up. Even though I will be splitting it up I will still get the 5 miles in that day. I will also be going to the YMCA with Christine and any one else that will be joining us and doing an hour there 6 days a week. Sunday will be my rest day. I know this is not going to be easy by any means I might fall down a couple times but I am more determined now then I ever have. The last time I seriously exercised was grade school. I am tired of going places with my kids and getting tired easy cause I am out of shape I want to be able to keep up with my kids even though it will be a little bit difficult keeping up with Dax no matter how much I exercise. I know I know not very smart of me to put this on the Internet someone can see me and say man you haven't done much but that's what I want. I want people to push me to get me to my goals when I have my down days to remind me what I am doing this for. So tomorrow is the beginning of my new year to become a new me. Go me!!!!!!!!

Friends far and wide

I don't know why but today I woke up in such a funk. I am sad but way to busy to be sad. I know my hubby is gone for a whole year and I know I am going to make it through this a stronger person. I guess today I feel so alone with everything going on. Oh how I wished my bestie Jen wasn't in Fort Campbell wished she was here with me she would know how to cheer me up. She could bring her kids over to entertain my kids and we could have our long talks about nothing really. We could watch our shows together cook together do crafts together clean together and even shop together. When we are together we are inseparable. I miss you Jen. I would even love my friend Katee to be here. How we could have another twilight marathon. Sit here and say nothing and that would be okay with both of us. We could drive around with no destination in sight but of coarse I would have to let her drive. A friendship that one that is hard to explain. How I wished I had a friendship with someone here like I do these two. Living here for a year now I am a type of person that is shy and very timid around new people very hard for me to make friends. I remember going through grade school I had like one best friend. I know these two are only a phone call away and I could call them at any time but how I wish they were here right now. How I wished more than that this year was already over with. I guess since so much went on this weekend and so much more that is happening this week I am just an emotional hot mess. Now to get up brush myself off and get my big girl panties on time to start my busy crazy week. But first I love ya Jen and Katee

Judgement

OK so I am frustrated and am going to vent for a few so I thought I would write it down maybe help me out a little. I get so sick of people judging me before getting to know me happens to me often. I also get tired of people in a certain profession taking what they only want to hear judge me and start treating me like crap. Isn't it their job not to judge and treat a person no matter what. I went to the er I know what happened and already felt terrible about it felt like the worst person in the world. I know no matter what nothing I can do can change it. To get treated like a child and treated poorly makes me never to go back to that hospital I have other options. I plan on making a complaint with the hospital. I have went to this hospital many times and was never treated like this before. I am a good person, friend, mother, and wife no matter what others think. I only have one that I care to judge me and one only and that is God. So if you want to sit there and judge me first get to know me second find out the whole story and actually listen to the whole story not just you want to hear. Okay now that I am done I am going to get on with what needs to be done.

Times Like These

Times like these I miss my husband the most. I hardly ever get sick other than my migraines. Two days after he leaves I start feeling yucky I figure maybe it was just a 24 hour bug and hoped it would go away. I woke up today and I still felt like poo. He had emailed me last night and we talked through messages for about half an hour then he called me this morning the sound of his voice brightened my day as much as it could. I decided to go ahead and go to the doctor today he said I had strep. I wish he was home so he could help me with the kids and help take care of me. You don't realize how much they truly help out til they are gone. It has officially sunken in that he is gone for the year. I cant wait til this year is over and he is back home. I want to stay as busy as possible while he is gone. I got an offer from my bestie to go to Alaska with her for a month this summer if I can get everything in order which I hope I do I will be hitting the road with her family or should I say my family cause she is more than a friend she is family to me. While I was not feeling good today kids got some trouble boy howdy some days I don't know what I am going to do with them I know their daddy will not be happy at all. I cant wait to get the husband address so I can get his first care package together and send off to him but I have a feeling its going to be awhile before I get it.

Kisses

Every night I tuck you in bed and kiss you goodnight. I kiss your boo boos when you get hurt. I get home from work and you are waiting there for me to give me kisses. My 3 percious gifts in life there would not be anything in this world I would not do to be there to give you a kiss each and every day. I know its not the same but here is a jar for each of you containing 366 kiss candies. One for each day that I will be away. I want you to take one each day and remember how much I love you. As you watch the jar of kisses dissappear you will know this means its closer to me coming home to you. Remember when you take that last kiss out of the jar it means I will be home tomorrow to kiss you and hold you tight. I love you all.
Love
Daddy

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye never gets easier. We are on our 3rd year long tour. On May 11, 2011 we sent off the 615th. It effects each of us different in our own ways. Dax has gotten use to saying goodbye or is really good at not showing his emotions. He acts as if everything is normal. As the year will continue he will become a very angry child that his daddy is gone it will get tough.

Trisha Ann is very much like her mama. She wears her emotions on her sleeve. Poor girl cryed all the way home and cried herself to sleep that night. She will be counting down til her daddy gets home.

Peyton is such a daddy's boy but I think he is still to young to fully understand how long his daddy will be gone. He cried when his daddy left for a few min but then went on with his business. HE will miss his best bud and cuddly buddy thats for sure.

John whole world is these kids. I know its hard on him to say goodbye to them even though he dont show it.

I knew the day was coming that I would have to say goodbye to my husband. The night before I just layed in his arms knowing it would be the last time for awhile and just cryed. Saying goodbye was so hard so hard to let him go. I love him more than words could tell you and I will miss him every day that he is not here with us.

Saying goodbye is hard but it gets us one step closer to saying hello again.